All the Small Things

Isn't winter the most magical time of year?

Snow falls, stories by the fire side, warm cup of tea, and lots of blankets.

Winter has always had to power to make me feel like a child again, which is something I've been needing lately. I've forgotten what it's like to be amazed by the little things, to spend quality time with the people you most value, and to watch old Christmas specials again.

They may seem like little things to some people, but they've been the most help for me. I didn't quite know how hard this year was going to be on me, and because of all the pressure I've been put under I need little things like this to keep me grounded.

Maybe you've been under some pressure too, Diamonds, and I hope you find a way to recover from the pressure, or simply avoid it for a few days.

Because generally speaking, life sucks. It's a harsh reality we all face at some point and time, but the little things that make you smile are what keeps you going.

Little things like snowflakes.

You Were There, and Now You're Here, Where Next?

Lately I've realized that I've been living in the past.

I spend too much time worrying about history repeating itself, or I stress over past mistakes that I have no control over now.

Diamonds, you can't live in the past, it's done with and over. Yes, I know you have a million mistakes you wish you could take back, and if you had the chance you would do everything over again from the first grade, but that's not an option.

Turning back isn't an option, and it sucks. With all my heart I wish I could redo the past, especially the past month, but you know whats better than the past?

 The future.

The future holds so many more opportunities. One day you can leave the town you are in now, and you'll meet so many new people who won't judge you on your past because they weren't there for the past.

Stop worrying about the past, and start focusing on the future.

An Open MInd

So maybe my recent attempts to swear off all friendships has become somewhat of a failure.

I thought it would be easiest if I never let anyone get close to me because then I would not have to deal with the pain of letting a close friend become just another face in the hallway, or another name on a grave.

But I have realized that keeping people out is a lot harder than letting people in, and you just have to take the risk of them hurting you.

There will always be people who you can count on, even if you don't want to admit you can.

So Diamonds that's my big lesson for the day, you can't kick everyone out of your life. Yes, you can leave certain people who you don't listen to you or keep your promises, but you have to keep your mind open so that the right people find their way into your life.

National Best Friends Day

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” 
― Bob Marley

Preach it, Bob Marley.

That's the thing with life, it's unfair. Everyone is going to stab you in the back, everyone is going to lie to you, break your trust, and make you cry.

You are going to meet people who put you in the lowest places, you are going to meet people who will keep you in those low places or push you down even further, but I promise you if you look hard enough there will be people who can bring you out of that dark place.

Those people who take you out of there are the best of friends, whether they stay up all night to text you, sit next to you in a hospital bed, or listen to music with you until you feel better.

Diamonds, I swear to you that your true friend is out there, and to tell you the truth, you might not meet them in high school. You might have to wait a really long time to find someone who will say all of the right things, be there for you, and keep all of your promises.

Until you find them, I suggest family. Stay as close to them as possible, because you will be stuck with them anyways, and they have to help you in your time of need.

But never, ever, settle for anyone who makes you feel less than you are.

Teenage Wasteland.

I'd be lying to you if I told you Junior year wasn't the hardest thing I've ever been through, and I haven't even been in it for two months yet.

It's kind of scary when someone tells you that being a high schooler is the greatest time of your life, and it should be.

We should be able to smile more, but we can't when we have to stay up so late and finish essays, readings, formal labs, and calculus.

Being a teenager is suppose to be fun, I shouldn't have to worry about my future as much as I do now, and I worry a lot, I worry to the point of wondering why I try so hard, and why don't I just give up?

And I know I'm not the only one, because I have plenty of friends who consider dropping their AP classes and just aim for community college.

I wish I had the courage to do that, and sometimes I don't know why I don't.

My goal in life is to just be happy, and right now I'm not.

So why should I spend my "best years" not happy because I have the slightest hope that if I'm unhappy now I'll be better in the future?

The Great Escape

Now that school has started we find ourselves consumed in pools of stress.

Staying up into the latest hours of the night, hardly keeping our eyes open in first and second period, and declining invitations to sleepover because you are too exhausted to have a late night gossip secession with your friends (Maybe that last one was just me).

I don't know about you, but I count myself lucky if I can get even 6 hours of sleep on a school night.

What teenagers really need is an escape from their lives, not more homework, or the school schedule to change.

We need a day or a moment just to close our eyes and completely forget the huge bricks of stress sitting on our shoulders.

Everyone has their emergency escape route when things get stressful. I like to listen to music, go on a run, or even just read a book of my choice (Sometime I blog too).

And if you're like me, and it's Junior year, the most critical year in your high school career, I suggest you find your outlet fast, because being the stressed girl in your group of friends, won't help you at all.

Oh, One Who Knows All!

We have many different kinds of friends.

The one who takes fashion very seriously.

The one who you consider your therapist.

The one who you wish you were.

The one all the boys like.

The ridiculously smart one.

All of them are always there for you, and all of them you would consider sisters on certain days.

But today we aren't talking about those friends, today we are talking about your psychic friend.

OK, so this is not an episode of That's So Raven this girl doesn't actually have visions that land you guys in a huge problem, but she's the girl who has always been the first to call things before they happen. She called that couple breaking up months ago, she called that you would all hate that girl by senior year, she called that your teacher was pregnant when she was only 8 weeks along.

Maybe it can get really annoying because at first you think she's just trying to say all these things to start pointless drama, or bring attention to something that's never really been an issue. However I want you to trust me, one day you will have this feeling of, "Oh my god, why did I never listen to you in the first place?"

I'm not about to tell you to start listening to that friend 24-7, because you need to learn the hard way that this person will always be right.

And trust me Diamonds, she's always right.

Change In The August Air.

I'm sure plenty of you now have tanned skin, sun kissed hair, and an abundance of stories to tell your friends when you return to school.

But has anything really influential happened to you?

Something life changing?

Your tan is not life changing. Unless you have Irish skin like me, then you can brag.

I have always believed in Summer, it's the time when your life makes the most unbelievable change, and that's why we love it.

We all claim to love routine, always knowing what comes next and no surprises, but where's the amusement in that?

Where's your excitement?

Honestly yes, we love knowing certain things in our life won't change. Our birthday will always be the same day, our dogs will always wait for us at the door when we come home, our friends will always hug us when we cry, and there will always be a celebrity train wreck.

But I promise you, if you saw who you will meet in the future, where you will go to college, what your career will be, who you will marry, how many kids you will have, when you'll retire. If you saw that all in front of you, you would try to change it. Maybe you wouldn't be able to change it, but you wouldn't want to know everything about your life just like that.

So I guess we can always count on surprises, especially during the Summertime.

If something in your life hasn't changed during this summer, you may feel like you've missed out, but you might also want to feel grateful, because not every change is a good change.

But if it's something you really want, to change your life. Then do it by yourself, it's actually incredibly simple.

Under Pressure

So it's finally Summer, and you've all probably had the sweet taste of freedom so far.

It's finally here homework bonfires, beach trips, late night parties, and smiling a lot more.

Do you guys feel that way? I feel like I just smile more in the summer.

Every summer I have this idea in my head that I've changed because of summer. Every summer I become this new person with an insane amount of confidence and the ability to relax and not worry about all the stressful things going on.

 but I realize that summer isn't what changes me, school is what changes me.

I have a belief that during summer you find yourself, and you get use to who that person is, and during the school year we can re-find that person during weekends and holiday breaks, but besides those few gatherings we lose them, and we become someone else.

Someone who is full of stress and feels the pressure that school puts onto us every day we have to go there, and I feel that is no way to live.

It's no way to live because not everyone can handle that pressure, and a lot of us crack under it.

When people crack or break under that pressure it never goes unnoticed, but things always go unchanged.

Adults try to tell us that there are healthy ways to control out stress, but there really is no way when they keep adding more on to it.

Thankfully we have summer, which is the greatest escape anyone could ever ask for, a little under three months of pure smiles, laughter, and care free happiness.

Summer is where true memories are made.

Don't Let It Be Too Late

Moments.

Our lives are a serious of moments.

From our first cry, to our last words, and everything in between, these are the moments that amount to who we are.

That's important to remember Diamonds, we are the result of every moment we have ever lived.

Some times you don't get as many moments as other people do.

Life is unexpected, and so is death.

You could be on top of the world at one moment, and the next you've hit the ground, and you're gone.

So don't let anything ever go unsaid, unspoken, or unknown.

You don't know what will happen tomorrow, or if there will be a tomorrow for all of us, and I don't want to ever hear one of you say "I wish I had just... before it was too late."

Maybe you fear of the immediate consequences from telling someone something, but don't be. The pain you feel after telling them is nothing compared to the pain you will feel of them gone without ever knowing your true emotions.

Don't ever let it be too late.

Whether you are six, fourteen, twenty-three, or sixty years old, it can always be too late.

Perks of Being... Whatever I Am.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."- Perks of Being a Wallflower

So many people across the world have read that quote or heard that quote and had a moment of revelation.

Personally, I think it's the most powerful eight word sentence I've ever heard in my life.

I accept only the love that I think I deserve... it's really something to think about, huh?

It's hard to put into picture though, because sometimes I know I deserve more. My friends tell me all the time, that I deserve more than someone who is going to stand me up multiple times. I deserve more than someone who points out my flaws, who can't accept me for who I am and will always try to change who I am, even if I love who I am.

But what if someones love isn't good enough for you, but it's all they can give to you?

You know you deserve better than the love they give you, but that's all the love they can give, and they try really hard.

Normally I would tell someone to drop them, but now that it's happened to me, I don't know what to do, I can't leave this person behind right now because we're stuck together, but the love they give me only hurts me.

I know the love I deserve, but I have to put up with the love that I don't deserve.

Did I Just Really Do That...?

I cannot tell you how many times I've had an "OMG-moment"

In my opinion it's a moment when you do something so stupid or spontaneous that the second after you do it you grow a pit in your stomach or make a face as if to say "Gosh that's gunna hurt me in about five minutes...."

For example maybe you said something you couldn't take back, you tripped on something in public, or you sent a text message to someone that you shouldn't have.

Diamonds, I wish I could tell you that you get all your awkward moments over with during puberty, but they are actually only the beginning...

I think we should take some time to practice how we recover from these awkward moments now in our youth, or practice avoiding them.

Next time you want to tell a girl how much you really don't care about how her toothpaste spilled all over her pajamas, think about it first, and instead of telling her you'd rather die than listen to her talk try thinking of something else in your head, or just leave. It may seem rude to just get up and leave all abruptly, but I promise  it's a lot better to leave without saying anything than staying and saying something nasty.

My best advice for not doing anything stupid, put yourself in the other persons shoes, what would you feel like if someone said to you what your about to say? Or how would you react if someone sent you a text message like that?

That really always helps me avoid sticky situations, also reading a text twice before you send it, I've also found that these tips help you from not looking like an obsessive girlfriend, or a potential stalker.

And you won't believe how many more OMG-moments you'll get from being a stalker or an obsessed girlfriend....

I Like My Men Like I Like my Cream Cheese- Whipped.

Girl talk is a necessity.

You may think I am exaggerating but I promise you I'm not, and you know it.

Girls need to talk to other girls about anything and everything.

We need to vent about our grades, our parents, how our favorite character was taken off of the TV shows, and of course boys.

Now as I was having girl talk today over some fro-yo we went from our topic on whipped cream, to whipped boys, and our different opinions on them.

Personally I can see the benefits in having a boyfriend who is "whipped," he would literally do anything for you, and while that's really sweet, my friend Ana did point out that there's no challenge to a whipped boyfriend.

Which is really half the fun of having the boyfriend is the chase and trying to get him to like you, and having an excuse to act super flirtatious and mysterious at the same time.

Girls really appreciate those guys who will carry a torch for them, but at the same time we don't know how to react to those boys. We aren't use to people giving us so much attention, especially boys.

So we do what every girl does at one point in there life.

We friend zone the poor schmuck.

WE honestly feel awful about it, but we can't put too much thought into.

And men, if you are ever friend zoned you shouldn't complain about it, because we had two options in the matter- Friend zone you, or we could tell you to F*** off, and not talk to us.

It hurts us to tell you to F*** off, but we know how much it hurts you to be in the friend zone, my advice is if you think it's better to be in the friend zone than no zone, then stay and don't complain.

It's truly fear of the unknown, we don't know how to react to someone having such strong emotion about us like that.

So yes Diamonds, a boyfriend who will do anything for you is so much fun, and you know he really cares for you, but if there was no real fight to get him, then I guess you kind of miss out on your own passionate love story. I just suggest you to follow your heart, and to find the right guy that fulfills all your dreams, and let him be your boyfriend.

Sometimes It's One or the Other...

When I was little my mother would always tell me "Blood is thicker than water."

I understood she was trying to tell me that my family comes before my friends, and all else, but I didn't really listen.

I liked my friends more than my family when I was little. I had been hanging out with my family all my life, but   I had made new friends and they were different than my family. They had new toys, and we could talk about more things because we were both in the same classes and knew the same people.

And in some ways it's the same now. I can talk to my friends about things that I really couldn't talk to my family about like how as a teenager I feel a ridiculous amount of pressure, and I can vent to my friends about teachers, and people (usually) without any judgement.

However very recently I've been in certain cases where I choose my family over friendships I thought would last forever.

I know for a fact these people didn't think it would effect the relationship we have, but it has.

If you insult me, I'll get over it.

If you insult my friends, I'll make you regret it.

If you say things that I feel in anyway insult my family, I will promise you things will change, and you won't like the change.

Lately I have realized how lucky I am to have all of my family under one roof, and I would choose some of my family members over my life.

And I would honestly expect anyone to do the same for their family. I would understand someone choosing their family over me, because I would probably do the same.

Diamonds, I love you all, and you guys are like my family. But once you insult my family or one of their beliefs, I will turn into a New Jersey Housewife.

Random Kindness, And Some Good Ol' Carrie Bradshaw.

So yesterday might have been one of the best days ever.

But like, a really good unexpected.

My friend at my bus stop opened her back pack yesterday and handed me the DVD of Sex and the City. Her mother saw it and totally thought of me. which is just the sweetest thing.

Than my friend Ana on my bus got me a dress from her shopping spree simply because it reminded her of me.

I remember awhile back I made a blog post about random acts of kindness, and when things like that happen it brings me so much joy to know that these acts are happening, maybe not because of what i said, but just because of the goodness in someones heart.

However the best thing that happened was that yesterday was the 15th anniversary of the premier of Sex and the City ( the series).

Some of you may know me well enough to know I was tweeting about it all of yesterday.

However there is something I would like to clear up about the show.

I've heard lots of people tell me that they hate SATC, because they think it is the anti-feminist show. They see these women as completely unfeminist, like as if we went back fifty years ago.

I beg to disagree on behalf of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha.

Each one of these women had their own careers, and wanted a man.

Look closely at how I used the word wanted, not needed. NO woman ever needs a man. some people need to get that through their heads, you don't ever need to be in a relationship, and that's some good advice for you boys too.

Sure Carrie longed for Mr. Big, but her life moved on without him.

So maybe we are hung up on someone, and maybe we will be for a while just like Carrie, but the truth is we move on, life move on, and the world still circles around the sun.

So you can get ride of this person, and I recommend watching SATC while doing it.

on another note- Mia Rickenbach is phenominal and miraculous.

thsank you

Making All The Same Mistakes

Relapses.

It happens to the best of us.

We promise we won't give into our old ways, or make the same mistakes, but we do.

We fall for the same lies over and over again, and our heart breaks more times than you think is humanly possible.

I guess you could say I've recently made a mistake. I fell for some ones lies again. I didn't listen to the people who loved me and told me not to go through with it.

I try not to live my life with regrets, but this I regret.

However, this won't really affect my future. I'll be able to make through this.

One day I'll see a silver lining of listening to his lies, and hurting myself.

Maybe I should look at the lesson I learned, and it's a lesson that my friends are always right, and they always want to protect me, maybe it's that once I have decided to leave him in the past that is what I should do.

I should leave him behind.

I should let him leave.

Leave on a plane to Europe with out any thoughts of me, and that's the way it should be.

Sometimes you don't want that to happen though. Sometimes you just want to hold on to the memories, because you were so happy in those memories.

And it's been a long time since you were that happy.

You really deserve to be happy, but you can be happy with him moving on with out you.

You should let them go.

You need to let them go.

I have to let Derek go.

Anything Could Happen...

Life is like one of those fun houses at those carnivals you go to every summer.

There are surprises around every corner, a few moments when your heart stops, and just like the hall of mirrors, there are moments when you can't escape yourself.

Sometimes you have days where there is so much going on in your life, and you keep it bottled up. I can't say i blame you for keeping it in. There are so many reasons why you would want to, fear of your friends finding out and judging you, fear of how people will look at you differently, and maybe you're afraid of what it might lead to.

And the truth with keeping everything so captured inside of you is that it will come out, and it can happen the easy way or the hard way.

You will either go completely insane and possible do something crazy, and odds are dangerous, to yourself or people around you. What you really need to do is to just tell a friend or a few trusted friends about what is going on in your life.

That's what I did.

I've been having some (boy) issues lately and considering everything circulating in my life right now I had to talk to someone, or someones.

I won't say the boy issue because keeping the secret is half the fun, but I;m sure a few of you reading this know.

And in regards to the issue I had a lot of friends very supportive of me, and actually glad for me, but I sadly can't say the same about all of them. I had a few friends, who weren't mad at me, but were most likely concerned for me, and probably still are.

I really can't blame them, if I had a friend going through the same thing I'm about to go through I would probably caution her.

It's truly a matter of the heart, and since mine is so fragile at this point... I can't say whats going to happen...

Dear Mr. Vernon,

Something I find rather funny happened in my second period drama class a few days ago...

We were about to watch the movie The Lorax because our teacher wasn't here, so we all started talking about all these amazing movies we have seen or really want to see.

Movies like Wreck it Ralph, Alien, The Italian Job, and movies like that. Suddenly we had this incredible idea that we should write down every movie we want to see and try to watch as many as we can as a group together over the summer and for the rest of the school year.

The List began with Slum-Dog Millionaire, and ended with Sherlock Holmes.

But the movie I found so ironic was the eighth movie that was written down. One of my all time favorite movies and a total classic, The (One and only) Breakfast Club.

In case anyone of you have been living under a rock for your entire life I strongly advise you to watch this movie, it's a must see for anyone who is going into high school/ in high school/ has been in high school/ knows what the term "high school" means.

A brief and vague summary of the movie is:

Five high school students, each experiencing different pressures form their different cliques and social groups, are forced to spend an entire Saturday in detention together. Soon realizing that they are all experiencing the same pressures from their different social groups, and their families, they become friends, and share an indescribable bond with one another.

The thing that I found so ironic about my friends in drama class wanting to watch The Breakfast Club is that, they are The Breakfast Club! There are people in my drama class that I would never talk to if I hadn't met them in that class.

And the truth is I've realized that we are all the same. We literally go through the same heartbreaks and  despair, and for what ever reason I couldn't put that together. I guess it's really easy to slap a label onto someone before getting to know them, and I regret that now.

And I know that sometimes the new friends I made get the reputation for being "weird" and "freaks," but the truth is, I'm both of those things too.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so is weirdness I guess. I may consider one thing weird that you think is totally normal, and I might do something that you think is totally abnormal.

But you surround yourself with people who enjoy your weird stuff, or do it too.

What I'm trying to get at here is that in life, you need to surround yourself with people who are just as weird as you.

You need to find the people who will always be there for you and love you no matter what even if they are

A Brain

An Athlete

A Basket Case

A Princess

Or A Criminal.

They'll Be Girls Across the Nation That'll Eat This Up...

Ten inches of long blonde hair are gone off my head, and I couldn't tell you how much I love it!

I had a friend who donated fourteen inches of her hair to Locks of Love, and she warned me about the depressing "I miss my long hair!" stage I might go through sometime in  the first couple of weeks I have my short hair.

However I haven't had that stage yet, and I think I know why...

The other day in English class we were given the opportunity to free write (A lot of my friends hate free writing, but I secretly take any chance in class to write, so when the teacher tells me to write I think it's fabulous). My teacher always gives us topics to write about, but I can never relate to them, and I suck at topic writings, but my friend Maddie said, "Write about your hair cut!"

Well, how could I pass up the opportunity to write about my "fab" new hair?

As the writer I am I decided not to write a "My hair is so cute! Blah blah blah" piece. Instead I kept my piece rather vague, but underneath it all it was about the hair cut.

Read a little of it won't you?

"Now that it is done, I have no regrets.
                                I did it for love, and love is all I have received."

That's really all I can remember off the top of my head.

But the whole point of it is that I did it for love. I did it because I love Sally, and I wanted to do this to honor her, and a little bit because I was getting sick of my split ends...

As Sara Bareilles puts it "Only one good thing worth trying to be, and it's love."

Diamonds, you need to surround yourself with love.

People who are full of love, things you love, and the actions you do that should be an act of love.

I don't miss my old hair because I know someone out there is going to be so excited when they get my hair that I don't have the time to second guess myself in what I did, and because I have been told that Sally would be wicked proud of me, and I think she is.

So Diamonds, I have a new challenge for you,

Do one thing every day, and it has to be something you love. Hang out with a friend, take a nap, read a good book, eat some fro yo! Do what ever makes you happy, but do a different thing everyday so you don't get bored of it.

Each and everyone of you deserves a beautiful life, but you have to make it beautiful yourself and I can't help you with that. I can only give you the idea.

The Land of Social Unknown

Yesterday was National Best Friend Day, and it got me thinking about this past weekend.

I had spent the majority of my weekend hanging out with my friends for a performance, I was acting, dancing, laughing talking, ushering, and over all having the best time of my life.

After the Sunday performance and taking down set I had realized that this group of people had completely distracted me from the fact that Sally had been dead for almost an entire year.

So it got me thinking about what a best friend truly is...

I remember when I was in the second grade there were all these "Rules" about having a best friend.

-You could only have one BFF

-You could only have 2-5 Best friends

-Everyone else was just a friend

Looking back I laugh at those rules, because there are no true rules to friendship.

Going back to my friends from this weekend, if you looked at all of us individually you would never think that we would be so close.

You would categorize us in little circles the pretty girls, the loner, the misunderstood kid, the kid who thinks he is too cool, the diva, the girl who will remain hung up on her ex boyfriend forever, the smart kids, the beautiful boys, etc, etc

And whats amazing is when we come together none of those stereotypes matter. Everyone is there to be happy and love each other.

I see my friends from this performance in the hall ways and wave to them or have a short conversation with them, and whom ever I am walking with will say to me, "You're friends with them?" in like a "How is this socially possible?" way.

it has never bothered me when people ask me that question. If anything, it flatters me and makes me happy, because that means I have done something that hasn't really been done, and I love that I might be venturing out into the land of social-unknown.

So Diamonds, go out into the world and make friends, befriend the people who you have heard all of the nasty rumors about and form an opinion for yourself.

It takes more than just me to defy all the social stereotypes!

Silver Lining

Well Diamonds...

It's been one whole year since Sally died.

That's 365 days, 52 weeks, and 12 months that I have been given a chance to come to terms with Sally's departure, and I think I have actually done really well given the scenario, but today was completely different.

I couldn't process how it has been a year, I literally can still hear her voice in my head, I feel like she got married last week, and I sometimes still accidentally butt-dial her number. Obviously she doesn't pick up, and she won't pick up.

Truth is, today was one of the hardest days for me ever, and I knew it was going to be, but the way I see things like today is, Well, I can either sit around and cry, or I can do something to make this day better.

And so I did!

I knew how hard this day was going to be for me so for several months now, so I decided I needed to do something in Sally's honor. I decided I would cut my hair off and donate it to some one who needed it more than I do.

SO that is exactly what I did this afternoon, and I couldn't be more happy.

Sally would always tell me how pretty my hair was when I was little, so I knew she would have wanted me to do something like this, and to top all of that- I love my hair short! I cannot remember the last time it was like this and I love it!

Even though my hair is totally stellar, it really wasn't the best part of the day, what meant the most to me was the hugs that I got from everyone. I had people come up to me and say "I don't know why, but I know you want a hug today, so here's my hug!"

I've probably mentioned before that I see Sally every where now that she is gone, I see her in flowers, birds, pennies you find on the side of the road, but today I saw her in all of my friends, and all of my Diamonds who came to me in my time of need.

And that my friends, was the real reason I was able to find my silver lining today.

My Advice on the Glass Slipper

Giving advice is easy for me.

Just look at all my posts, I give advice so easily, because I know what someone should do to make something happen!

However taking my own advice is a different story. I have tried to always tell you guys to take chances and break the stereo types, go for the things you want to achieve, and don't let anyone stop you.

However I am not so good at that.

The idea of going beyond social boundaries sounds incredibly rash to me, and sometimes I don't think I could ever really do it.

Tonight for example I am hanging out at my friends house, and she tells me that I should confess to my crush how I feel. I know for a fact that is advice I have given to you Diamonds before, but some times I can't take my own advice.

I informed her that there was no way that was ever going to happen, and when she asked my why not I thought to myself  "Because girls like me don't get a happy ending in high school..." And that thought can be taken two ways...

One being the obvious sad part of me not getting the boy I have a crush on, but the other part of that sentence can be interpreted as a good thing...

OK, so maybe I don't get a "Happy Ending" in high school, but who really does?

Does Cinderella really get her happy ending when she puts the slipper on and runs away with the prince? No, because she has an entire life of learning to be a princess after that (Didn't you guys ever watch the sequel?!)!

So why should I have to be the girl who gets everything she wants in high school, and then when the real world comes around I kind of get bored...

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm totally fine for not having my happy ending now, and I'm fine with making Prince Charming wait, because I doubt I have even totally found him yet.

So Diamonds, the lesson you might want to take away with this is, never ask for everything to happen to you in your four short years of high school, what fun will college be then? You need to wait a while before you try on your glass slipper, so for now just make a few appearances at the ball, and dance with a prince or two.

Your true Prince Charming will come some day.

Spring Fever

Let's look at the signs people...

1. The nice weather seems to be here to stay...

2. I've seen FIVE total Facebook relationship statuses change in the past 24 hours from Single to "In A Relationship with _________"

3. My allergies couldn't be worse!

Conclusion: It must be Spring time!

Now I'm pretty sure you have all heard the legends of "Spring Fever," everyone wants to go outside more, everyone falls in love, and everyone get super happy and caught up into the moment.

I guess I didn't realize it last year because I was so caught up in the Sally thing, but the myth is true! 

Spring Fever does exist, and I can see the evidence by just looking at my news feed on Twitter and Facebook!

I guess the real reason of why I know it's true is because I have really been feeling the magic of the legend myself, and it has made me reconsider just about everything I have ever said before.

Like the term "Crush..." 

Maybe having a crush isn't so pointless... maybe having a crush is a good thing, as long as you don't really expect anything out of it. I guess what I'm saying is that it's a good thing to have a reason to wake up and do your hair every morning for, or to smile in the hallways.

As long as you don't expect anything from that little crush it's fine, but the second you consider that you might actually want a relationship with this person, I will stand by my past argument.

So Diamonds, my best advice for this season is to keep a box of tissues very close to you for the next couple of weeks, because to Allergies (and emotions) will be running pretty high...

And We'll All Float On Okay

The movie Mean Girls wasn't really joking when Janice handed Cady the map of the lunchroom.

And High School Musical was pretty accurate as well, high school if full of cliques, and they suck.

Maybe the cliques aren't as defiant or powerful as they are in those films, there isn't a group of four girls at my school who everyone looks up to, and the thespians aren't ranked as highly as the jocks.

Walking around my cafeteria I can easily pick out cliques and label people, I don't do that but it'd be easy.

Ever since the sixth grade I have considered myself something I like to call a "Floater." I don't exactly belong in one specific social group, and I don't want to.

I didn't realize that other people had noticed my anti-clique super power until one day in softball practice when I was talking to one of my friends about the band Paramore, and then I talked to another friend about One Direction, all while I was wearing am Aerosmith shirt.

Suddenly just as we had moved on to talking about All Time Low my friend asked me "What are you?" Some how I knew exactly what she meant, what am I?

I'll admit being a floater doesn't really have all it's perks, sometimes you don't think you belong in any group, which in high school can be a real identity problem.

But in that moment my friend asked me I didn't really think much of it.

 I don't usually think about it. I like who I am, and I am a Floater. I know for a fact that I am not the only one, and that there are different cliques that I don't float in, but I only hang out with the people who make me happy, and if that means I don't "belong" anywhere than that doesn't really matter to me.

So float on Diamonds, float on.

How Do you Know?

There is a person in every ones life, who is so close to you, that they are practically family.

It's the friend whose house you would run away to if your parents kick you out, it's the friend whose family is practically your second family, sometimes you think you hang out there more than your own house.

But the point of this friend/ soul sister that I want to emphasize is that this person ( or persons in my case) know you even better than you will ever know yourself.

I am almost positive this must have happened to you before.

You have at one point in time told a friend something personal about you, and you were worried about their reaction, but you were pleasantly surprised to hear them say "OH please, I already knew that!"

Maybe it was a "I think I have a crush on *Insert name here*" maybe it was a "I think I want to quit playing soccer" or possibly, "I think I want to become a clown when I grown up."

And as comfortable as it is when a friend already knows these things, it's also important for a friend to realize how to say the "Already knew that."

For example, after Sally died I told a handful of people about it the day after it happened, but there where some people I told a couple of weeks or days after it happened. Instead of some of them comforting me and telling me they were sorry for my loss, they simply said "I already knew that, so-and-so told me two days ago."

Personally I was never mad at so-and-so for telling them. I was mad at the person I just told, because they said it in a way like "OMG you didn't know Katie Holmes is getting a divorce? It's SO two weeks ago..." I was like Hello?! This is my dead cousin we are talking about, not some celebrity couple?!

Those are the people I have stopped talking to a lot, and I don't have many regrets about it.

So, the point is there are friends who are going to give you the "I already knew that" in life, and some of them will make you smile and it'll just remind you how well your friend knows you.

Sadly other times it may make you realize that someone isn't as close to you as you may thought they were, but here's my advice;

A true friend will always react in the right way, they will be the kind of person you can call-out for being an asshole, but you really shouldn't have to do that a lot, because they should be able to react just the way you want them to.

Just Hoping For A Fairy Tale...

"And I know you love Shrek,

Cause we've watched it twelve times.

But, maybe you're hoping for a fairy-tale too."

Along with these lyrics from Ed Sheeran there is an internet post that I have seen a lot, about the movie Shrek it says:

"You know why Shrek is the best Fairytale? Cause in some fairytales the princes and the princess are perfect but in Shrek it teaches us that imperfect people can still have their own happy endings."

It's true, anyone can have a happy ending, and Shrek does teach us that, but I also feel like Shrek teaches us somethings a little more important than just that.

Maybe the Princess doesn't always need the Prince, maybe the both of them are just too far away from reality to realize anything about the real world.

It's the same for high school, when the popular girl dates the popular boy it's  usually not the most sentimental relationship.

It's not always the case, but it happens...

Princess Fiona thought she would be able to run way with Prince Charming and that whatever charade he tried to pull off, by rescuing her from the tower and slaving the dragon, and that some how this could be considered "True Love," But it wouldn't be. Fiona asked for it, and she got true love. Just not in the way she expected to get it...

Instead of a Prince with a huge castle and a dozen white horses, she got Shrek who lived in a swap and had a friend donkey.

So Diamonds I didn't really have an idea in mind when I wrote this blog, but I think the point is that you will find some one in your life who wants you for you.

Shrek wouldn't have wanted to change Fiona one bit, he loved her when she was a person, and he loved her when she was an ogre too.

Obviously, all of you Diamonds are princesses, but maybe you need something a little more real than a prince.

Maybe you, like every little girl, has had a dream of marrying a prince, or a rich boy, but the reality is you may marry a boy who came from a more difficult back round than you, he may even be a little less financially stable than you will be.

What really matters is that you love him, and that every night when you take your make up off and turn into a monster, he will still think you are so beautiful, and he will always see you as a princess.

So Diamonds, hope for a fairy tale, because you'll find one, you may even be living one right now.

Fuck. Cancer.

I am just going to put this out there and I am about 99.99% sure that every American or person in this world has been impacted or knows someone who has been hurt by cancer.

My aunt is a breast cancer survivor. I know it sounds crazy, but I am in a way thankful of that cancer, we caught it early and it was just enough to keep our family closer together for a few more years.

My Grandfather died of cancer while my mother was pregnant with me, and I never got to meet him. Everyone tells me that I have his spirit  and that he would have loved me. I know he does love me, and that I love him. I use to sneak into my mom room and go to the back of her closet where she would hide all of her old albums and I found her wedding album, and I would just stare at the pictures of her and her father. I never cried though, I guess it's because they seemed too happy in the picture. They wouldn't want me to cry at that picture, they wanted me to smile, my grandfather wanted me to smile.

And as you all know I lost my cousin, and closest friend to cancer last year. This Saturday would have been her one year anniversary with her husband. So this week has been kind of difficult to get through honestly, but I have seen some pretty nice things happen this week.

On Monday my friend Ana brought me in a caffeinated drink because she knew I was running on less than 5 hours of sleep.

Tuesday My friend Bree told me a hilarious story about her parents giving her the "Sex talk."

Wednesday two of my friends had their birthdays! It was also the first day of May, and I love May!

Today, I improved on my mile time! I dropped over a minute, and that wasn't even the best part.

During softball practice I noticed that one of the girls on my team had given herself a buzz cut, I didn't ask her about it though because I was worried it would be too personal.

When my mother picked me up she told me that my friend, Lily, knew someone fighting cancer and she shaved her head and donated her hair for them.

I was so touched by that I cried a little bit, and it reminded me of how I wanted to shave my head for Sally, but she wouldn't let me. She told me that if I shaved my head she would personally beat me because she always loved my hair, when we were little she would braid it all the time.

I couldn't help but realize Lily's kindness might have been the highlight of my week, and her strength and caring was just enough to get me through Saturday.

There are so many people who stand up to cancer everyday, and I am proud to be one and to know some of them.

Now to finish with one of my favorite sayings of all times ( and possibly my favorite hash-tag...)

Fuck. Cancer.

Mistakes are... Ruff

Spelling errors.

Grammar errors.

The #1 cause of all online embarrassments, and I'd be lying if I said it never happened to me, and some of you really know that because you read this blog and know how awful my mistakes are.

Also it took most of my readers several months before someone finally pointed out that the "Ruff" in my title should be "Rough."

Now I could have made a simple change to that title and then acted like it never happened, but I didn't, so now I am going to make up an incredibly motivational story as to why I kept me title "ruff."

That typing error was a mistake, and we make mistakes. It's human nature.

I like my mistakes, because they make me who I am. My mistakes lead me to having this blog, and I am so happy I am here, because this blog has helped me find myself.

You could say all of your ex-boyfriends were a mistake but actually you learned something from everyone of those guys, and if I were you I'd be thankful I ha them in my life. 

How many relationships do most people have to go through to find the perfect person? I'll give you the answer, it's not one.

You will have to go through many relationships in your life, and that's how it should be!

Mistakes help you learn things, whether it's which your/'re to use in a sentence, or how to spot the wrong guy, it's a part of life and that is the way it is.

So I will forever keep this Blog Ruff, because I've been through many mistakes, and I want to remember them for my future, to know that I can look back on it and say either "Dude, I was so stupid" or say "I made it out of there, and now I am here."

And you will get there Diamonds.

The Only Exception

If you had to count all of the boys you've ever had a crush on, just a simple crush, how long would your list be? 

One? Two? Seven? Sixty?

Now think about every boy you've ever had a crush on, maybe some of them were just a simple "I think you're cute" kind of crush. You've probably had the "He's the cutest boy in my class who isn't a complete asshole, so I figure I'll just like him" kind of crush, the "celebrity" crush, and the "I'm on a vacation and I need eye-candy" crush.

However there is one crush that puts all other crushes to shame.

This crush is the person you would choose over all other crushes ( including Celebrity crush most of the time), this crush doesn't really have a name.

It's the one person who you have always kept in the back of your mind. Maybe you met them over summer, and you didn't go to the same school, but you have always secretly hoped to end up in the same college together.

It's the person you still have in the back of your mind, and you don't really have a reason for them to leave.

This person is like your safety blanket, you will always keep them as an option for years and years, until you one day may forget about them, but then your friend will bring up there name and they are automatically registered back into your brain.

I know I have said before that I hate pointless crushes, that I believe you should always just tell the person if you know they are somewhat interested, or you should let it go. However this situation if different. This person is the Exception.

This person is the Exception because I wouldn't want you to screw it up with this person so soon. If this person is always on your mind then you just need to take it slow, and wait for the perfect moment.

The fact that this person has stayed in the back of your mind means something, don't forget that.

#PrayForBoston

Today I was sitting down at my desk writing in my journal about upcoming events for this week. i was receiving my CNN notifications on my iPod. The little notifications where telling me who was the first man to win this years Boston marathon, the first woman, the first man from the US, the first lady from the US, after that I didn't think I'd get a notification from CNN until the Boston Marathon had completely finished.

I was wrong.

When the fifth notification came up I assumed it was about the Jodi Arais trial, which I have been following, but the notification wasn't about that. I glanced at the notification, and I only saw three words:

Bomb

Boston

Marathon

I ran to my parents bedroom where my mother was reading a book, I was in a complete panic as I frantically looked for the TV remote, and turned on CNN.

"What the hell are you doing?" My mother asked confusedly.

I didn't answer her. I didn't have to. The image on the screen of an explosion in Boston was enough to shut the both of us up.

"Oh my God, Ella is in that race."

Ella is one of my cousins, for the past couple of years she has been running in 5 ks, half marathons, and tough mudders. She always told us she would never do a marathon, and I guess she changed her mind about that because she ran in today's marathon.

My mom called up my uncle who is Ella's dad, he had heard about the news from us first. He tried to call her but he got nothing.

For the next several hours I sat in front of the Television glued to the rising numbers of injuries,22, 23, 28, 90+, 110 injured and two dead.

That could be Ella, That could be Ella, That could be Ella. Was the only thought racing through my head.

Finally I heard the door open, and it was my aunt.

Usually when a family member has to show up like this, it's bad news.

I guess this time didn't count thought because my aunt brought the news that Ella was fine. She had just made a turn on the street of the finishing line when the bombs went off. She saw and heard everything, but wasn't close enough to get hurt.

Things like this are why I believe strongly in miracles.

So Diamonds, my story has a happy ending, but not all the stories today do. Two people died today, and right now the estimated number of injuries are 130.

Maybe you don't live in Boston. Maybe you've never been there. Maybe you don't have loved ones living in Boston. But I know that if you are a true Diamond your heart is aching with ever person in Boston.

Some people lost loved ones, some people can't find their loved ones, and two people one being an eight-year-old child lost their lives today.

Pray for them Diamonds, they need it.

The Bitch Is Back

So obviously some of you might have noticed that my blog was turned private for a few days.

Last Tuesday I sort of  had a mental break down, and as a teenage girl I am entitled to one every now and then, so don't judge me.

Someone who I consider one of my closest friends said something that I'm sure was meant to be a witty comment, but actually hurt me.

The second I got my mom to pick me up from school I began to cry, and I did cry for the next four hours.

I discovered two things while I was crying,

One, I'm a really ugly crier. Kim Kardashian has nothing on me.

And Two, I haven't really cried that hard in over a year.

In the past year every time I told anyone I "sobbed" I probably cried a few tears and then was able to pull my shit together before causing a scene.

I guess that's always because of what I was told when I was little. I think I once read in a book that crying is pointless because you become so caught up in the little things, and it just makes you exhausted.

And they were right, crying does nothing to help you get over the mean things people say to you, but sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can get back up. Not that I'm saying I hit rock bottom on Tuesday, but I did get very upset.

Crying is for you. Crying is a method you should use to just vent, and let it all out and once your done you can regain yourself and then you can go make that person regret what ever they just said about you.

You know how they say "Success is the best revenge?"

It's true.

So the next time some one calls you "ugly", "stupid" or "a bad writer" you have my permission to cry your eyes out, but I will only let you cry your eyes out if you promise me that you are going to get back up on your feet and make them regret every single word they ever said to you.

How to (NOT) Dump A Friend

We all have that one friend who we have known for so long, and will always have a special place in our hearts for, but at one point you are smart enough to realize "This friendship just isn't going to work anymore..."

Now for some of us it's as easy as never texting them again and avoiding them in the hallways.

But, sadly, I live in a town called suburbia. A town in which children always play on the sidewalk, a town where the average house has the perfect 2-3 kids, a town where it's completely unacceptable to get anything less than an A+ on your report card, a kind of town where if you don't have a religion you are secretly looked down upon by all the soccer moms.

Also the kind of town in which you will see the same people just about everyday.

So trying to drop a person without them running into you and trying to make it work out is actually impossible.

However, one of the most unique qualities of suburbia  it that every kids goal in suburbia is to never ever go back, like if I end up becoming a teacher at my own high school, and raise a family in the exact neighborhood I live in now I might die.

So the truth is a person like me could tolerate a person for how ever many years they need to and after they leave for college, they won't have to speak to that person again.

One obvious flaw though. You have to wait years for this plan to take into effect.

Which just makes me wish that we could tell these people "Listen, it was fun at one point but lately everything you say to me is either unnecessary insults, you trying to look better than me, or just a shit load of your drama, and to be totally honest I don't want to have to deal with that anymore, so can we just be friendly with each other  Say hi in the hallways, maybe sit next to each other if there is no one else in the class we know, but I really don't want you to consider yourself so close to me because our friendship is really only making me an unhappy person."

But since us girls are so easily emotional that really can't happen, which hurts. Now you're stuck in a friendship that makes you feel like a bad person, and that isn't something you should do.

You shouldn't feel the need to be nice to someone if they make you feel bad, you don't owe it to them.

The Love I Found

Well Diamonds my prediction came true.

I had experienced a Manhattan Love Story, but not the one I thought i was going to.

I thought I would fall in love with Manhattan, and I did, but that's not the story that truly sticks out to me in my mind when I think of the amazing trip I took to New York.

The love I discovered in New York wasn't the love I had for New York, but the love New York has for me, and for everyone who lives there.

New York has this acceptance with everyone and anyone who lives there. Everyone has a place to fit in, the business men, the single women, the punk teenagers, the crazy people on the subway, all of them have a place in New York.

My favorite part?

Couples will always hold hands in New York. Even the gay couples. if two men held hands in my neighborhood, I can almost promise you they would get looks. They don't in New York.

Something about that gives me hope.

In the majority of our country Same-Sex couples cannot get marriage licenses. Am I the only one who finds that wrong?

I think anyone should be able to be married, as long as they are in love.

I could go on a rant about how I feel that all love is good, but I'll save that for later this week when the court makes a decision on some of the acts they are being faced with.

Back to New York,

If even the crazies, playing their Native American Flutes on the subway, can find a place in the city, then why can't I?

Why can't a sixteen year old girl with a blog, an expressive wardrobe, and a wild heart find a place in the city?

Well she can.

She might have not exactly found it yet, but she's going to.

And isn't that what most things in life are? Saying to yourself "I'm going there!" Then figuring out all the steps you have to take to get there.

Well Diamonds you can get there, you can get into any college you want, you can start a life in Manhattan, and you can get the supreme court to legalize same-sex marriage  just figure out how, and you'll be there before you know it.

Anyone Can Have A Love Story

Well Diamonds.

This is it.

This is the moment I have been waiting for, for a very long time. Something I have craved and prayed for since last year.

This moment, is Manhattan.

In less than twelve hours I will be on my way to the Big Apple. I will be in Manhattan. Thus beginning my Manhattan Love Story.

"What is a Manhattan Love Story?" You may ask.

Well my little diamond I'll tell you...

I know that the band train has written a song in which the lyrics go "This ain't a threat but I think I'd better warn you- You're going to fall in love if you go to California."

Which is true, I feel in love with San Francisco when I went, it has charm and it's very peaceful, and friendly.

However Manhattan has almost two million people living in it. Just that one island. The entire city has over eight million.

It's quite obvious that every day is an adventure in Manhattan. That's what I'm going to have. A Manhattan adventure.

But the part about the "Love" in my Manhattan Story is going to be remained undecided until I return.

The thing about the Manhattan Love Story, and any other Love story really, is you don't have to fall in love with another person. You could find more love for yourself, a friend, a career, or maybe you will simply fall in love with Manhattan itself.

But the truth is whether you're going to Manhattan for spring break, the beach, an internship, or just staying home, you will be able to find a love story.

The only difference with your love story is the word "Manhattan" won't be stuck in front of it.

It's not about you.

Have you ever been in the situation when you see your friends crying?

Have you ever seen anything scarier?

Personally, I have  had my fair share with horror movies and spooks, but I haven't seen anything that worried me more, than watching my friend cry.

Maybe you knew she was already having a bad day, you heard some rumors about her leaving class crying. You saw her tweets about all her mixed emotions.

But at the end of the day when you finally see her, you know all the rumors were true.

And the thing you wouldn't expect it that you don't care what happened. You don't care who did what to her. You just want to make her smile.

The worst part?

She avoids you.

She avoids any kind of contact with you, and you know she is avoiding any sort of help.

You want to be the good person and help her, but you can't help but feel extremely mad at her. Why won't she let me help her? Why is she being such a child about this?

You may never realize this, but you have no right to make those sorts of accusations.

You don't know that entire story. Maybe if you did you would understand, but you might also hear the story and think "Oh please, you are being such a dramatic bitch. get over yourself."

After going through what I went through with Sally's death I consider things that may be a big deal to some people very small, and unimportant. Surgeries, break ups, failing classes all seemed very small and stupid to me.

But it's not about me it's about your friend who is crying her eyes out.

Put your feelings aside for once, and go help her. She needs it.

Survivor's Week

Maybe you have noticed recently that you are even more irritable in school.

You have a test and major assignment in every class this week.

The weather is actually getting warmer and you want to go outside at every opportunity.

It's spring time.

And for some of you, including me, it's almost your spring break! The best one week during the school year, the weather is nice and you can do whatever you want for a full week. No peer pressure, no teachers nagging you, no need to wear make up, no worries.

However, most of us still aren't there yet. And it's extremely painful.

Everyday feels like a Friday, even though it's only Tuesday.

Diamonds, I feel you.

We either have amazing plans this upcoming week that we just can't wait for Like the beach, spending time with our friends, parties, maybe you're going to New York City to go see Anderson Live! (oh, wait, that's me!), or maybe you are planning on doing nothing.

Anything you do over spring break is fabulous because it doesn't have to be school.

However lets focus on surviving this week.

How do we do it without completely losing it?

 Easy: Reward yourself for getting through everyday.

You most likely have a test/ quiz in about every single class. I suggest after getting home allowing yourself to take a nap, or just five minutes of doing nothing. listen to a song and close your eyes.

I also suggest not putting off your homework, the sooner you get it done the sooner you can go to bed, and sleep is going to be an issue this week.

Look at some funny memes, and find a reason to smile. I know all this stress sucks, but imagine the rewards you will eventually get. Imagine the shoe closet you will one day own in your gorgeous Pent House. Imagine anything that will keep you going, and please.

Keep moving! The faster you do your homework and go to sleep the faster the day is over and the new day begins! The sooner spring break comes!

The Best Relationship Advice I Could Ever Give

Last night I proposed a question on Twitter,

"Why do people strive for a romantic relationship, when the greatest relationship you'll ever have is with yourself?"


Now I know very well how this may cause some controversy among teenagers who honestly think a relationship is the "make-or-break" of their popularity, or social standing in high school.(First of all let me just remind you that you are in high school, are you really looking to marry anyone at your high school?)

I promise you that no one is judging you because you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I hate when people have a boyfriend or girlfriend for the sake of having one. What do you think that says about yourself? I'll tell you.

Something I have recently realized is that if I were to have many boyfriends, one after the other, none of them actually meaning anything. I would have never actually had a relationship. I've just held hands and kissed a bunch of boys so I don't have to be the only girl who hasn't had her first kiss at the age of 16, but it all didn't really mean anything.

Is that really what it's all about?

Are we all really just scared of being alone forever?

Listen, I know lots of people who still haven't been kissed at the ages of 16 and even 17, but they are only upset about it if they let themselves.

If you can build a relationship with yourself before you build on with someone else then trying to have a boyfriend or girlfriend will be so much easier.

If you are going through boyfriends or girlfriends like tissues during the flu season you need to take a moment and look inwards. There is something in your life that is empty and for some reason you think you can fill that void with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but the truth is it won't fill your gap, and your boyfriend/girlfriend will notice that gap. And they will walk away.

 They'll know that someone who doesn't love themselves won't ever love them.

So Diamonds, here's the deal.

If you think you need a relationship, you are a sorry little thing.

My friend Ana never thought she needed a relationship, and she didn't go looking for one out of desperation, but she ended up finding someone who she really liked, and now they are in the most perfect relationship.

So my advice for you is quit looking. If you have found someone, then great. Just stop looking and wondering, start thinking about yourself, think about what you need.

Because in every relationship you should know that you are the most important.

Am I Worth Saving?

So Diamonds, as you may know I have a very wide taste in music.

I listen to just about anything.

Recently I have been listening to the most recent album by All Time Low "Don't Panic."

It's a fantastic album and I highly recommend it if you like good music.

I usually listen to all songs equally on an album, but one song caught my attention immediately, the first line pulled me in.

"When will the princess figure it out, she ain't worth saving?"

Now at first I laughed at that line thinking about woman running the world, and us not having to depend on men.

But after listening to it a couple of times I started to ponder, "What if the princess really doesn't realize that no one wants to save her? What is she honestly believes there is a prince some where out there looking for her?"

Then I worried about being that princess.

What if there is no one out there willing to climb up my hair if I'm trapped in a tall tower.

What I lose my shoe at the ball, and the prince just donates it to good will instead of trying to find me.

What if I fall asleep for 100 years and no one decides to wake me up?

Am I the only one who is worried about that?

I know I talk a lot about saving yourself, and being the leader of your own destiny, but couldn't Cinderella have just walked out? Couldn't Rapunzel have jumped out the window herself? Could Sleeping Beauty have broken her own curse?

I don't think so, that's not how fairy tales work my friends, and I would like to believe that my life resembles a fairy tale.

So I guess a girl is left to wonder, "If I was a princess trapped in a tower, had fallen asleep for 100 years, or lost my shoe at the ball; would I be worth saving?"

The Simplest Thing

Has someone ever done something that sort of surprised you?

A good surprise of course.

Like a surprise kiss, a surprise party, or a random act of kindness?

Just yesterday my friend did the nicest thing to me and it just kind of surprised me how perfect it was, not that my friends aren't extremely perfect.

The other day I started crying in one of my classes. I don't really want to bring up what it was that made me cry, but the point is I cried.

 I was with a couple of my friends.

Two of my friends tried to help by saying things like "Sweetie, whats wrong?" and "Are you ok?"

Which is totally fine and I love them so much for worrying about me.

But my friend Maria did the most fabulous thing ever.

I was crying and she just picked up her phone, which kind of made me mad, I was thinking that she just didn't care, or worse, thought I was just looking for attention.

Maria pulled out her phone and pulled up a bunch of memes and wouldn't stop showing me memes until I was fine again.

It just shows how well she knows me and I don't think I could ever thank her enough for that perfect moment.

It just proves she's a total Diamond.

So here's my new challenge for you Diamonds lets call it "The Maria Challenge"

I want you all to show your friends that you are there for them, but not in the normal way. I want you to do something super silly, but extremely thoughtful.

Say you have a best friend who loves green M&Ms, and this friend is having a bad day. I want you to do something like go to the store and get a huge bag of green M&Ms for them, something that shows you care, and that you pay attention.

It doesn't have to be huge, it just has to have thought to it.

We DO Need the Tears.

About a month ago I blogged about the ideal of a perfect break up.

I'm here to tell you that I have done some personal research, and have come to the obvious conclusion that they do not exist.

I told you that Derek and I didn't have a messy break up.

Turns out if you don't have the messy break up it's just fate simply saying "Haha, yeah OK hold on for a few months then I'm gunna make you cry!"

And that's just what fate does.

I invited Derek to this thing several weeks ago, and he told me he would try to make it. Well obviously he did not come to this event. I really wasn't that mad except that he didn't text me or call me with any sort of excuse.

And since I admitted to you that I still did picture him as my "one" in the back of my mind, you can tell how this really bothered me.

Some times I still wait for him to call or text me with an excuse, but I think I already know what happened.

I think he met some one.

Some one else, a girl who goes to his school, and is super- amazing. She probably has hipster clothing and is his musical soul-mate.

I may seem mad about this, but I'm not.

I'm mostly just sad, but deep down inside I know I'm really happy for him. I'm happy that he's moved on because I know I couldn't have done it.

So Diamonds, I guess we do need the tears. We need those days where we sit in front of the sofa and watch an entire Sex and the City marathon, we need boys to come into our lives and break our hearts so that we can truly appreciate the good guys in our lives.

And when we find that special someone we'll know it's him because we'll be masters at finding the douche bags.

It's My One Day to be a Romantic so...

"You love her, but she loves him, and he loves somebody else, you just can't win!"

I think The J. Gelis Band really hit that one on the head in their song "Love Stinks"

Now I'm not the type of person to run around on Valentines day and spit on all the happy couples, or put rubber bands over their head when they make-out in the hallways right in front of your locker.

No! I like to tell people that I am only a Romantic one day a year, and obviously it's today. Now you may consider me a romantic in general, but I disagree. Sure, I have my moments when I get all girly and lovey-dovey giggly, but every girl does.

However I have seen a lot of Internet memes that say things like "I want to find that boy who will call me up at 3 am just to tell me he is thinking about me..."

If you call me up at 3 am, you'd better be dying.

If you give me flowers I'll also probably make you carry those around all day. I'm the kind of girl who's not into the classy romantic stuff, just the silly goofy stuff like singing along yo your favorite songs in the car.

Anyways, back to The J. Gelis Band song!

They really knew what they were doing when they wrote "You just can't win!"

You can't win in love. Good luck trying.

You will always be fighting for that person, and if they are worth it, you don't stop.

If you are in love with someone, and then you just decided to drop them, I'm sorry, but you're lying to yourself, you liar.

You will never get over your first love, maybe they weren't the person you ended up with, but you will always care about the person you feel in love with that time.

And even when you are with the person you were meant for you fight for them. They will always keep you on your toes, because you would rather die than see them with someone else.

But isn't that the best part?

Even after years this person will keep you on your toes, and you learn a new thing about them everyday. You'll still be married to the same person, but they just get better every day!

SO when you find the one person you're suppose to be with lets have your song be something more a long the lines of, "If it's Love" by Train, instead of "Love Stinks."

Candy Hearts, Love Letters, and Six- foot Teddy Bears

Now, I'm sure we have all asked that one person, "Will you be my Valentine?"

I just did! and while I wait for Josh Hutcherson to return my phone call I will make a blog post.

If you haven't asked someone that question then I think i have every right to smack you upside the head.

Don't worry though, because tomorrow is your perfect opportunity to do just that. Valentines day is suppose to be fun, and silly. Not an actual romantic thing. Not at our age at least.

When you get into a serious relationship in ten years, then V-Day is the #1 day a man might propose to you, that and St. Patty's day because you'll both be extremely wasted and the convo will be like "Lets fucking get married!" "Oh my God I'm so wasted yes!"

Please. Please. PLEASE. Don't let that happen to you. But if it does I'm gunna laugh at you.

Anyways, Valentines.

Listen ladies and gents, you don't actually have to go over the top for this day.

Boys, if you want to ask a girl out make her laugh and give her a rose. A single rose and a funny V-Day card will be perfect. A whole bouquet of roses will scare the fuck out of the chick.

Girls, if you have a crush on a guy my friend Ana gives the best advice on how to get guys "Just walk up to him and stick your tongue down his throat and then walk away!"

*Sad Slow Clap*

Major props to Ana everyone

NO! Though I adore Ana's courage, I think most of us females just need to be honest with a guy if we like him. Just flat out say "Hey wanna be my valentine?"

The best part: You're not even asking the guy out! It's just Valentines day! Asking to be some one Valentine isn't asking for them to go out with you, or be their girl/boyfriend!

So Diamonds, when you wake up early tomorrow and get your hair and make-up all pretty, with some sort of expectation someone is going to ask you out, don't be afraid to take charge and ask them out!

Also don't forget to wear Pink, Red, and/or White! Valentines Day is a one- year thing!

Is it Ever as Simple as a 90's Pop Song?

Do you remember when you were little and everything was so simple? I think it's because our music was so simple.

I was listening to some of my old songs that I listened to when I was little, and I realized how straightforward these lyrics are.

"Spinning around. I've got this funny feeling, turning my whole world upside down, I'll keep my heart and my eyes on you. Cause you keep my spinning around!"

How effortless was that? simply telling a person, "Hey when you're around me, I feel happy."

Why is that so hard for us teenagers? Why must we over complicate things? Why is it we have songs that are so much more complicated?

For example, it pretty much took me a matter of days to figure out the multiple meanings behind Taylor Swifts song "Red," but when I figured it out I realized how much I could relate. All of the songs in her album have taken me weeks, and I'm not so sure I've figured it all out yet.

I'm still trying to figure out what happened from then and now. What happened in the last six years that all of a sudden made our music so much more complicated?

Was is just out overexposure to all of the different romances?

Was it because we've learned about sex?

Did we realize that love is imperfect and it's just not as simple as a teeny- bopper song?

Well, why can't love be just like a teeny- bopper song? Why does love have to be imperfect?

I feel like we may just over complicate things. We should just walk up to someone and simply say to them "Hey I like you," boom. Why do we have to make this extremely dramatic scene and tragedy out of it?

Why do we make our relationships turn into long depressing albums, and not just one silly single?

What To Do About the Crush?

We have all been there...

Our palms are sweaty, we talk louder than normal, we constantly flip our hair an make a giggle noise, and our face is red the entire time.

It's called a crush.

And I know what it feels like because over my life I have probably had about one hundred crushes. I got around, not really.

Before this summer I pretty much had a different crush on someone new every other month, or week, but this has been the first time in my life when I really don't have a crush on anyone.

And I love it.

But still the love cycle turns, and some of my friends have crushes. I guess now that I don't care about dating I get to help them with their love lives.

Like my friend Alice. ( http://positivelyalice.blogspot.com/ )


She just recently figured out she has a huge crush on someone, and I absolutely love it.

It reminds me whats its like to have a crush on someone, and I want nothing more than to see her happy. Even if her and this guy don't end up together I just love to see the looks on her face when he walks by her, and I secretly know she is jealous of anyone who gets to talk to him without her in the conversation.

Personally, I have come to the realization that crushes are completely pointless.

A crush is pretty much sitting around thinking about someone all day, but if you don't actually go up to this person and tell them flat out how you feel, then what are you getting out of this crush besides a heartbreak when they move on and you never tried to stop them?

So this is my challenge to all of you Diamonds:

If you honestly have a crush on a person tell them. First I would advise you to make sure they actually want a relationship, and I would think it'd be helpful to make sure they are interested. Also keep in mind that you have to be totally OK if they say no.

I flat out told Derek that I liked him, and look what that got me! The best summer ever, and such a good friend now! However I probably would have been just fine if he had said no.

So go out there and take a chance, or else you'll just get nothing.

The Principles of a Friendship

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
― C.S. Lewis

Let's talk about the importance of having a friend.

And I mean a true friend, one you can tell all your secrets to, and don't have to worry what you look like, act like, or do around them.

I want you to mentally make a list of all of the people you consider friends, and I want you to take into consideration the following:

Do you hang out with this person often?

Do you tell your secrets to them?

If they were to call you crying, would you drop everything and run to them?

I'm sure you answered "Yes! of course!" to every single one of those question, and that makes you a good friend, but now I want you to reverse two of those questions.

Do they tell you all of their secrets?

If you called them up crying would they drop everything and call you?

Has your answer changed for a few of those people that you considered your friends? I'll bet at least of your answers changed, and if not congrats! You really know your stuff when it comes to friends!

It's not your fault if you thought this person was really your friend, and you need to know that it's not their fault either.

It's just how life works! You are going to lose people and you are going to gain some people in return! You may gain people who you keep in your life, or you may figure out that some of the people you gain are easily disposable.

 

I promise you that one day you will find a group of people who will see you as the amazing Diamond that you are, and they will be your closest friends.

Romantic-Intolerant

There's no hiding the fact that all females want romantic attention at one time or another.

But the real question is: How much of the attention do we actually want?

I'm not saying I'm a heart breaker, but I have gotten unwanted attention from guys before. It's funny though, because you want a boy to tell you that your pretty and that they think about you, but when it's boy who you aren't very interested in the feeling is the opposite.

You get a little creeped out and want to tell him to stop but that little voice in the back of your head goes, "Don't tell him to stop, you're overreacting! Don't be the bitch!" And thanks to that little voice, we don't tell the guy how creepy he is being.

In a way though, us girls do ask for the attention. with all of the Twitter posts of "Why am I still single?! #ForeverAlone"

 So when this attention comes to us, why are we so repellent of it?

I am a strong believer that most modern day American women are what I like to call "Romantic-intolerant."

We grow up watching watching movies where the prince saves the princes and everybody lives happily ever after. Then we hit puberty, and we watch movies like The Notebook, and expect kisses in the rain, and boys to build houses to win our hearts over. Then comes high school, and you finally realize that you should lower your expectations. We suddenly realize Maybe Ryan Gosling was reading from a script and all boys aren't Prince Charmings?

Ouch. I think that hurt like a brick in the head when we came to that realization.

I'm not trying to give boys a bad reputation, or tell you to completely drop your expectations and marry a man who works at a gas station.

I'm just saying it's a fact that with all of the things we have been exposed to in this world, it's hard to think a guy isn't full of bullshit (Pardon my French!) when he reads you poems, buys you amazing gifts, and tells you how hopelessly in love with you he is.

Women don't want to feel needed. We want to feel wanted.
And trust me, creepy gentlemen, there's a difference.

Do We Need the Tears?

It's only natural for girls to spend their time in class daydreaming about the most perfect relationship. Meeting Mr. Perfect one warm summer night by the beach across the campfire. You both become extremely close, and then he sweeps you off your feet, and he romances you. You think your life is just as perfect as all of those Nicholas Sparks films.

But what happens when Mr. Perfect isn't Mr. Right?

Is their such a thing as an ideal break-up?

Not the kind where you have to leave, and you go home, and he writes you for a year, and you run into each other three years later and you both never really stopped loving each other.

I am talking about you both walk away without any hard feeling and wish each other the best in life, and just leave. Maybe you could cross paths later, but it would be like seeing an old friend, not a lost love.

To be honest, that's what Derek and I had. I had always felt that we walked away from our relationship wishing only the best for each other, and I feel free to call him up whenever I have a problem, or just need someone to talk to.

But here's the problem.

Now every boy I will ever date will be held to the expectation of perfect Derek.

That may not seem like a problem, because it keeps my expectations high, but think about it this way:


Without the messy gross break up Derek may always be "the one" for me in the back of my mind.

With out the screaming of "I hate you!" and "You're worthless!" Derek will always be perfect, and I know myself well enough to know why I can't deal with that. I can't walk away from something like that, knowing there was a possibility of more.

What I am trying to say is, I guess I would prefer the extremely upsetting break up, in which i spent three days sobbing, and then have one of those nights to get my mind off things, and go out dancing with my friends.

A relationship is hard, but break ups can be even harder if you don't do them right.

"This Is MY Bubble!" & Pulling a "Derek"

Do you remember when you where in about the first grade, and every time the kid next to you put his elbow on your desk you would say, "Hey! Get out of my bubble!"

I remember being so particular about my bubble.

However once you finally leave the first grade and make you way to high school you may come to realize that there is more than one bubble per person.

There still is personal space, don't walk really closely behind someone you don't know. Unless you wan to be a fucking creep.

There is also the bubble in their heads, some people don't let people that close to them because of personal experiences.

But today I would like to talk about what I like to call "The Relationship Bubble." Which seems pretty self- explanatory, but for all of my fellows blonds out there I will explain anyways. Sometimes in a relationship peoplehave certain rules of how they want to be kept to themselves.

Probably my favorite example of this is the third wheel.We all have been a third wheel at one time or another, and if you haven't yet I promise your time will come. Now I have been a third wheel once, and let me tell you a few things to do while being a third wheel:

1. Don't try to enter in a conversation. Your whole job is to be there. Literally that is is. Just be there.

And that's about all their is to being a third wheel.

Moving on.

Another form of the relationship bubble may be how private someone wants to be about their relationship. Maybe this person doesn't want a lot of people to know. Maybe you want to pull a "Derek" and not really have anyone know until the relationship is pretty much over.

Lets talk about why pulling a "Derek" is a good thing. Personally I chose to do that because I know what I do to my friends when they get a boyfriend. I tease them. I look him up on Facebook and Twitter. I try to call him up on her phone and then hand her the phone the second he picks up so its really awkward for her. Yeah. I didn't want that to happen to me.

However I do have one friend, Jessie, and today she told my class that if she were to ever have a boyfriend she would throw her hands up in the air and say "EVERYONE LISTEN UP! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" You go Jessie.

I get Jessie's point, and I agree with it for her. However just considering the group of friends I hung out with during my time with Derek I figured keeping it on the down-low wouldn't have been such a bad idea.

So my Diamonds, I want you all to close your laptops after reading this, and realize that you have every right to define a space for yourself. Whether it be in a relationship, or when that smelly guy sits too close to you on the bus. It's all up to you.

It's ALWAYS Time for a First

Today I saw something that I had never seen before.

Today my mother was filling out a job resume.

I know that my mother works, she's not really one of those "Stay- At-Home" moms, she's the kind of lady who has all of her priorities set. However I have never seen her actually fill out an application like that, it was so professional.

I had just gotten home from a really long walk, and I saw her sitting on the couch. I sat next to her and watched her filling out her application.

There was something in her eyes that I'd never seen before. I couldn't exactly tell if it was determination or fear, maybe it was a little bit of both.

I am just so proud of my mother. She's almost 50 years old, and she keeps trying new things. This is her first job resume, every other job just required an interview.

I guess the idea of getting married and having children scares me a little ( a lot). I am terrified that when I have children my daily life will become a cycle.

Wake up.
Make breakfast.
Make Lunch.
Send kids off to school.
Send husband off to work.
Clean.
Go food shopping.
Come home.
Put the food away.
Kids come home.
Make snack for the kids.
Help kids with homework.
Make dinner.
Husband comes home.
Eat dinner.
Get kids ready for bed.
Story time.
Bedtime.
Repeat.


Seeing my mother filling out that resume made me realize that I don't have to become that women. Her "first" of making a resume made me leave my fear. I realized that now I can do things with out any fear.

I can go ride a really fast roller coaster. I could wear heels to school. I could try living on my own. I could write a book and accept the rejection it would get from publishers. I could apply to Harvard. I could open my heart to a serious long-term relationship.

So my Diamonds, get yourself out there. You will never gain anything if you don't allow yourself to lose everything. Go make today a first.

Nana's Reality Check.

The cold hard reality of the new year has hit us.

That is my overly dramatic way of saying that you have probably found out how hard it is to keep up all of your New Years resolutions.

And I wanted to let you know that you aren't alone!

I have many resolutions and I know how hard it is to keep them up, but I wanted you to know how amazing the feeling is when you complete them.

Over the past sixteen years of my life I have probably only completed a handful of resolutions, and since none of them are that interesting, I haven't experienced the emotions of completing a great goal, but my Nana did.

My Nana quit smoking several years ago, because my younger cousin once told her, "Nana if you keep smoking how are you going to be able to come to my wedding in ten years?" (she was five at the time, so getting married in tens years wasn't really going to happen, but you get the point.)

That is what I like to call "Nana's reality check." She quit smoking the next year and she is happier than ever. I can see in her eyes that she has found this new joy in life in which she does spend thousands of dollars a year on cigarettes, a world where she can spend all day with her family without having to go take a smoke every hour.

That feeling of an amazing accomplishment that my Nana had is sort of what I am looking for in my New Years resolution. I want this feeling of over whelming pride. A moment in which I can brag, just for a day (because I hate when people brag unless they really deserve it), but all my friends will smile and nod at me bragging because they know how hard I have worked for it! That's what I want, and I know I have to work for it, but I'm just fine with it.

Now my Diamonds I will leave you with this piece of advice I always remind myself before I back out of something.

The world won't go around looking for you if your hiding. Put yourself out there and only good things will come in the very end.