Anything Could Happen...

Life is like one of those fun houses at those carnivals you go to every summer.

There are surprises around every corner, a few moments when your heart stops, and just like the hall of mirrors, there are moments when you can't escape yourself.

Sometimes you have days where there is so much going on in your life, and you keep it bottled up. I can't say i blame you for keeping it in. There are so many reasons why you would want to, fear of your friends finding out and judging you, fear of how people will look at you differently, and maybe you're afraid of what it might lead to.

And the truth with keeping everything so captured inside of you is that it will come out, and it can happen the easy way or the hard way.

You will either go completely insane and possible do something crazy, and odds are dangerous, to yourself or people around you. What you really need to do is to just tell a friend or a few trusted friends about what is going on in your life.

That's what I did.

I've been having some (boy) issues lately and considering everything circulating in my life right now I had to talk to someone, or someones.

I won't say the boy issue because keeping the secret is half the fun, but I;m sure a few of you reading this know.

And in regards to the issue I had a lot of friends very supportive of me, and actually glad for me, but I sadly can't say the same about all of them. I had a few friends, who weren't mad at me, but were most likely concerned for me, and probably still are.

I really can't blame them, if I had a friend going through the same thing I'm about to go through I would probably caution her.

It's truly a matter of the heart, and since mine is so fragile at this point... I can't say whats going to happen...

Dear Mr. Vernon,

Something I find rather funny happened in my second period drama class a few days ago...

We were about to watch the movie The Lorax because our teacher wasn't here, so we all started talking about all these amazing movies we have seen or really want to see.

Movies like Wreck it Ralph, Alien, The Italian Job, and movies like that. Suddenly we had this incredible idea that we should write down every movie we want to see and try to watch as many as we can as a group together over the summer and for the rest of the school year.

The List began with Slum-Dog Millionaire, and ended with Sherlock Holmes.

But the movie I found so ironic was the eighth movie that was written down. One of my all time favorite movies and a total classic, The (One and only) Breakfast Club.

In case anyone of you have been living under a rock for your entire life I strongly advise you to watch this movie, it's a must see for anyone who is going into high school/ in high school/ has been in high school/ knows what the term "high school" means.

A brief and vague summary of the movie is:

Five high school students, each experiencing different pressures form their different cliques and social groups, are forced to spend an entire Saturday in detention together. Soon realizing that they are all experiencing the same pressures from their different social groups, and their families, they become friends, and share an indescribable bond with one another.

The thing that I found so ironic about my friends in drama class wanting to watch The Breakfast Club is that, they are The Breakfast Club! There are people in my drama class that I would never talk to if I hadn't met them in that class.

And the truth is I've realized that we are all the same. We literally go through the same heartbreaks and  despair, and for what ever reason I couldn't put that together. I guess it's really easy to slap a label onto someone before getting to know them, and I regret that now.

And I know that sometimes the new friends I made get the reputation for being "weird" and "freaks," but the truth is, I'm both of those things too.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so is weirdness I guess. I may consider one thing weird that you think is totally normal, and I might do something that you think is totally abnormal.

But you surround yourself with people who enjoy your weird stuff, or do it too.

What I'm trying to get at here is that in life, you need to surround yourself with people who are just as weird as you.

You need to find the people who will always be there for you and love you no matter what even if they are

A Brain

An Athlete

A Basket Case

A Princess

Or A Criminal.

They'll Be Girls Across the Nation That'll Eat This Up...

Ten inches of long blonde hair are gone off my head, and I couldn't tell you how much I love it!

I had a friend who donated fourteen inches of her hair to Locks of Love, and she warned me about the depressing "I miss my long hair!" stage I might go through sometime in  the first couple of weeks I have my short hair.

However I haven't had that stage yet, and I think I know why...

The other day in English class we were given the opportunity to free write (A lot of my friends hate free writing, but I secretly take any chance in class to write, so when the teacher tells me to write I think it's fabulous). My teacher always gives us topics to write about, but I can never relate to them, and I suck at topic writings, but my friend Maddie said, "Write about your hair cut!"

Well, how could I pass up the opportunity to write about my "fab" new hair?

As the writer I am I decided not to write a "My hair is so cute! Blah blah blah" piece. Instead I kept my piece rather vague, but underneath it all it was about the hair cut.

Read a little of it won't you?

"Now that it is done, I have no regrets.
                                I did it for love, and love is all I have received."

That's really all I can remember off the top of my head.

But the whole point of it is that I did it for love. I did it because I love Sally, and I wanted to do this to honor her, and a little bit because I was getting sick of my split ends...

As Sara Bareilles puts it "Only one good thing worth trying to be, and it's love."

Diamonds, you need to surround yourself with love.

People who are full of love, things you love, and the actions you do that should be an act of love.

I don't miss my old hair because I know someone out there is going to be so excited when they get my hair that I don't have the time to second guess myself in what I did, and because I have been told that Sally would be wicked proud of me, and I think she is.

So Diamonds, I have a new challenge for you,

Do one thing every day, and it has to be something you love. Hang out with a friend, take a nap, read a good book, eat some fro yo! Do what ever makes you happy, but do a different thing everyday so you don't get bored of it.

Each and everyone of you deserves a beautiful life, but you have to make it beautiful yourself and I can't help you with that. I can only give you the idea.

The Land of Social Unknown

Yesterday was National Best Friend Day, and it got me thinking about this past weekend.

I had spent the majority of my weekend hanging out with my friends for a performance, I was acting, dancing, laughing talking, ushering, and over all having the best time of my life.

After the Sunday performance and taking down set I had realized that this group of people had completely distracted me from the fact that Sally had been dead for almost an entire year.

So it got me thinking about what a best friend truly is...

I remember when I was in the second grade there were all these "Rules" about having a best friend.

-You could only have one BFF

-You could only have 2-5 Best friends

-Everyone else was just a friend

Looking back I laugh at those rules, because there are no true rules to friendship.

Going back to my friends from this weekend, if you looked at all of us individually you would never think that we would be so close.

You would categorize us in little circles the pretty girls, the loner, the misunderstood kid, the kid who thinks he is too cool, the diva, the girl who will remain hung up on her ex boyfriend forever, the smart kids, the beautiful boys, etc, etc

And whats amazing is when we come together none of those stereotypes matter. Everyone is there to be happy and love each other.

I see my friends from this performance in the hall ways and wave to them or have a short conversation with them, and whom ever I am walking with will say to me, "You're friends with them?" in like a "How is this socially possible?" way.

it has never bothered me when people ask me that question. If anything, it flatters me and makes me happy, because that means I have done something that hasn't really been done, and I love that I might be venturing out into the land of social-unknown.

So Diamonds, go out into the world and make friends, befriend the people who you have heard all of the nasty rumors about and form an opinion for yourself.

It takes more than just me to defy all the social stereotypes!

Silver Lining

Well Diamonds...

It's been one whole year since Sally died.

That's 365 days, 52 weeks, and 12 months that I have been given a chance to come to terms with Sally's departure, and I think I have actually done really well given the scenario, but today was completely different.

I couldn't process how it has been a year, I literally can still hear her voice in my head, I feel like she got married last week, and I sometimes still accidentally butt-dial her number. Obviously she doesn't pick up, and she won't pick up.

Truth is, today was one of the hardest days for me ever, and I knew it was going to be, but the way I see things like today is, Well, I can either sit around and cry, or I can do something to make this day better.

And so I did!

I knew how hard this day was going to be for me so for several months now, so I decided I needed to do something in Sally's honor. I decided I would cut my hair off and donate it to some one who needed it more than I do.

SO that is exactly what I did this afternoon, and I couldn't be more happy.

Sally would always tell me how pretty my hair was when I was little, so I knew she would have wanted me to do something like this, and to top all of that- I love my hair short! I cannot remember the last time it was like this and I love it!

Even though my hair is totally stellar, it really wasn't the best part of the day, what meant the most to me was the hugs that I got from everyone. I had people come up to me and say "I don't know why, but I know you want a hug today, so here's my hug!"

I've probably mentioned before that I see Sally every where now that she is gone, I see her in flowers, birds, pennies you find on the side of the road, but today I saw her in all of my friends, and all of my Diamonds who came to me in my time of need.

And that my friends, was the real reason I was able to find my silver lining today.

My Advice on the Glass Slipper

Giving advice is easy for me.

Just look at all my posts, I give advice so easily, because I know what someone should do to make something happen!

However taking my own advice is a different story. I have tried to always tell you guys to take chances and break the stereo types, go for the things you want to achieve, and don't let anyone stop you.

However I am not so good at that.

The idea of going beyond social boundaries sounds incredibly rash to me, and sometimes I don't think I could ever really do it.

Tonight for example I am hanging out at my friends house, and she tells me that I should confess to my crush how I feel. I know for a fact that is advice I have given to you Diamonds before, but some times I can't take my own advice.

I informed her that there was no way that was ever going to happen, and when she asked my why not I thought to myself  "Because girls like me don't get a happy ending in high school..." And that thought can be taken two ways...

One being the obvious sad part of me not getting the boy I have a crush on, but the other part of that sentence can be interpreted as a good thing...

OK, so maybe I don't get a "Happy Ending" in high school, but who really does?

Does Cinderella really get her happy ending when she puts the slipper on and runs away with the prince? No, because she has an entire life of learning to be a princess after that (Didn't you guys ever watch the sequel?!)!

So why should I have to be the girl who gets everything she wants in high school, and then when the real world comes around I kind of get bored...

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm totally fine for not having my happy ending now, and I'm fine with making Prince Charming wait, because I doubt I have even totally found him yet.

So Diamonds, the lesson you might want to take away with this is, never ask for everything to happen to you in your four short years of high school, what fun will college be then? You need to wait a while before you try on your glass slipper, so for now just make a few appearances at the ball, and dance with a prince or two.

Your true Prince Charming will come some day.

Spring Fever

Let's look at the signs people...

1. The nice weather seems to be here to stay...

2. I've seen FIVE total Facebook relationship statuses change in the past 24 hours from Single to "In A Relationship with _________"

3. My allergies couldn't be worse!

Conclusion: It must be Spring time!

Now I'm pretty sure you have all heard the legends of "Spring Fever," everyone wants to go outside more, everyone falls in love, and everyone get super happy and caught up into the moment.

I guess I didn't realize it last year because I was so caught up in the Sally thing, but the myth is true! 

Spring Fever does exist, and I can see the evidence by just looking at my news feed on Twitter and Facebook!

I guess the real reason of why I know it's true is because I have really been feeling the magic of the legend myself, and it has made me reconsider just about everything I have ever said before.

Like the term "Crush..." 

Maybe having a crush isn't so pointless... maybe having a crush is a good thing, as long as you don't really expect anything out of it. I guess what I'm saying is that it's a good thing to have a reason to wake up and do your hair every morning for, or to smile in the hallways.

As long as you don't expect anything from that little crush it's fine, but the second you consider that you might actually want a relationship with this person, I will stand by my past argument.

So Diamonds, my best advice for this season is to keep a box of tissues very close to you for the next couple of weeks, because to Allergies (and emotions) will be running pretty high...

And We'll All Float On Okay

The movie Mean Girls wasn't really joking when Janice handed Cady the map of the lunchroom.

And High School Musical was pretty accurate as well, high school if full of cliques, and they suck.

Maybe the cliques aren't as defiant or powerful as they are in those films, there isn't a group of four girls at my school who everyone looks up to, and the thespians aren't ranked as highly as the jocks.

Walking around my cafeteria I can easily pick out cliques and label people, I don't do that but it'd be easy.

Ever since the sixth grade I have considered myself something I like to call a "Floater." I don't exactly belong in one specific social group, and I don't want to.

I didn't realize that other people had noticed my anti-clique super power until one day in softball practice when I was talking to one of my friends about the band Paramore, and then I talked to another friend about One Direction, all while I was wearing am Aerosmith shirt.

Suddenly just as we had moved on to talking about All Time Low my friend asked me "What are you?" Some how I knew exactly what she meant, what am I?

I'll admit being a floater doesn't really have all it's perks, sometimes you don't think you belong in any group, which in high school can be a real identity problem.

But in that moment my friend asked me I didn't really think much of it.

 I don't usually think about it. I like who I am, and I am a Floater. I know for a fact that I am not the only one, and that there are different cliques that I don't float in, but I only hang out with the people who make me happy, and if that means I don't "belong" anywhere than that doesn't really matter to me.

So float on Diamonds, float on.

How Do you Know?

There is a person in every ones life, who is so close to you, that they are practically family.

It's the friend whose house you would run away to if your parents kick you out, it's the friend whose family is practically your second family, sometimes you think you hang out there more than your own house.

But the point of this friend/ soul sister that I want to emphasize is that this person ( or persons in my case) know you even better than you will ever know yourself.

I am almost positive this must have happened to you before.

You have at one point in time told a friend something personal about you, and you were worried about their reaction, but you were pleasantly surprised to hear them say "OH please, I already knew that!"

Maybe it was a "I think I have a crush on *Insert name here*" maybe it was a "I think I want to quit playing soccer" or possibly, "I think I want to become a clown when I grown up."

And as comfortable as it is when a friend already knows these things, it's also important for a friend to realize how to say the "Already knew that."

For example, after Sally died I told a handful of people about it the day after it happened, but there where some people I told a couple of weeks or days after it happened. Instead of some of them comforting me and telling me they were sorry for my loss, they simply said "I already knew that, so-and-so told me two days ago."

Personally I was never mad at so-and-so for telling them. I was mad at the person I just told, because they said it in a way like "OMG you didn't know Katie Holmes is getting a divorce? It's SO two weeks ago..." I was like Hello?! This is my dead cousin we are talking about, not some celebrity couple?!

Those are the people I have stopped talking to a lot, and I don't have many regrets about it.

So, the point is there are friends who are going to give you the "I already knew that" in life, and some of them will make you smile and it'll just remind you how well your friend knows you.

Sadly other times it may make you realize that someone isn't as close to you as you may thought they were, but here's my advice;

A true friend will always react in the right way, they will be the kind of person you can call-out for being an asshole, but you really shouldn't have to do that a lot, because they should be able to react just the way you want them to.

Just Hoping For A Fairy Tale...

"And I know you love Shrek,

Cause we've watched it twelve times.

But, maybe you're hoping for a fairy-tale too."

Along with these lyrics from Ed Sheeran there is an internet post that I have seen a lot, about the movie Shrek it says:

"You know why Shrek is the best Fairytale? Cause in some fairytales the princes and the princess are perfect but in Shrek it teaches us that imperfect people can still have their own happy endings."

It's true, anyone can have a happy ending, and Shrek does teach us that, but I also feel like Shrek teaches us somethings a little more important than just that.

Maybe the Princess doesn't always need the Prince, maybe the both of them are just too far away from reality to realize anything about the real world.

It's the same for high school, when the popular girl dates the popular boy it's  usually not the most sentimental relationship.

It's not always the case, but it happens...

Princess Fiona thought she would be able to run way with Prince Charming and that whatever charade he tried to pull off, by rescuing her from the tower and slaving the dragon, and that some how this could be considered "True Love," But it wouldn't be. Fiona asked for it, and she got true love. Just not in the way she expected to get it...

Instead of a Prince with a huge castle and a dozen white horses, she got Shrek who lived in a swap and had a friend donkey.

So Diamonds I didn't really have an idea in mind when I wrote this blog, but I think the point is that you will find some one in your life who wants you for you.

Shrek wouldn't have wanted to change Fiona one bit, he loved her when she was a person, and he loved her when she was an ogre too.

Obviously, all of you Diamonds are princesses, but maybe you need something a little more real than a prince.

Maybe you, like every little girl, has had a dream of marrying a prince, or a rich boy, but the reality is you may marry a boy who came from a more difficult back round than you, he may even be a little less financially stable than you will be.

What really matters is that you love him, and that every night when you take your make up off and turn into a monster, he will still think you are so beautiful, and he will always see you as a princess.

So Diamonds, hope for a fairy tale, because you'll find one, you may even be living one right now.

Fuck. Cancer.

I am just going to put this out there and I am about 99.99% sure that every American or person in this world has been impacted or knows someone who has been hurt by cancer.

My aunt is a breast cancer survivor. I know it sounds crazy, but I am in a way thankful of that cancer, we caught it early and it was just enough to keep our family closer together for a few more years.

My Grandfather died of cancer while my mother was pregnant with me, and I never got to meet him. Everyone tells me that I have his spirit  and that he would have loved me. I know he does love me, and that I love him. I use to sneak into my mom room and go to the back of her closet where she would hide all of her old albums and I found her wedding album, and I would just stare at the pictures of her and her father. I never cried though, I guess it's because they seemed too happy in the picture. They wouldn't want me to cry at that picture, they wanted me to smile, my grandfather wanted me to smile.

And as you all know I lost my cousin, and closest friend to cancer last year. This Saturday would have been her one year anniversary with her husband. So this week has been kind of difficult to get through honestly, but I have seen some pretty nice things happen this week.

On Monday my friend Ana brought me in a caffeinated drink because she knew I was running on less than 5 hours of sleep.

Tuesday My friend Bree told me a hilarious story about her parents giving her the "Sex talk."

Wednesday two of my friends had their birthdays! It was also the first day of May, and I love May!

Today, I improved on my mile time! I dropped over a minute, and that wasn't even the best part.

During softball practice I noticed that one of the girls on my team had given herself a buzz cut, I didn't ask her about it though because I was worried it would be too personal.

When my mother picked me up she told me that my friend, Lily, knew someone fighting cancer and she shaved her head and donated her hair for them.

I was so touched by that I cried a little bit, and it reminded me of how I wanted to shave my head for Sally, but she wouldn't let me. She told me that if I shaved my head she would personally beat me because she always loved my hair, when we were little she would braid it all the time.

I couldn't help but realize Lily's kindness might have been the highlight of my week, and her strength and caring was just enough to get me through Saturday.

There are so many people who stand up to cancer everyday, and I am proud to be one and to know some of them.

Now to finish with one of my favorite sayings of all times ( and possibly my favorite hash-tag...)

Fuck. Cancer.