Breakthrough

Do you know what scary? I'm not talking "Halloween scary" or "trying to survive a hurricane scary". I mean emotional scary, something that gets your heart racing and your stomach in a knot.

What I'm talking about is letting someone become close to you.

Not like making friends, I've come to find that friends will love you no matter what shit you do. They laugh at your mistakes and tease you when you do something really stupid, or they find out about the weird things you do.

Not like that, I'm talking about letting some one into your life that you see an intimate future with.

Just the other day I had what people refer to as a "breakthrough." I realized that I will avoid any situation in which a person becomes to close to me. I realized this after thinking about my ]relationship last summer.

Then I began to wonder why, why am I afraid of letting people close to me? Whats the worst that could happen?

And of course, just because of my lifestyle the answer came to me in an episode of Sex and the City. I realized that I wouldn't let people close to me because they would suddenly see my flaws, and I would get hurt.

I said it before, I'm not perfect. And this breakthrough only proves it. However I know so many other girls AND boys go through this. If the person you like get close to you, they suddenly realize all the flaws you have that weren't quite there before.

Suddenly the big things become obvious, like things that happened in your past that you would like to forget. Family issues that you felt you were safe from in this relationship.

Even the small things seem like earthquakes to the stability of the relationships foundation, like how you are terrible at separating your laundry colors, or how you wear a really gross retainer at night.

I'm sorry if I have officially scarred any of you into getting close with someone, but I want to let you know that you will find someone some day who will think that the way you talk with a retainer in is cute, or will hug and support you when those family issues come up, and they won't judge your past because they also have their own. As for the laundry thing, ladies you might have to work on that if you plan on winning "best housewife of the year," but if not I'm sure some guys don't really mind if their whites accidentally turn out pink.

Now diamonds, I always want to be honest with you in thins blog, and that's why I am telling you all of this. If you can't relate to me now, I guarantee you one day you will look back on this and say to yourself  "Damn, that girl really had it all figured out!" but I don't completely. I'm still only a teenager, I guess just realize things really quickly.