Breakthrough

Do you know what scary? I'm not talking "Halloween scary" or "trying to survive a hurricane scary". I mean emotional scary, something that gets your heart racing and your stomach in a knot.

What I'm talking about is letting someone become close to you.

Not like making friends, I've come to find that friends will love you no matter what shit you do. They laugh at your mistakes and tease you when you do something really stupid, or they find out about the weird things you do.

Not like that, I'm talking about letting some one into your life that you see an intimate future with.

Just the other day I had what people refer to as a "breakthrough." I realized that I will avoid any situation in which a person becomes to close to me. I realized this after thinking about my ]relationship last summer.

Then I began to wonder why, why am I afraid of letting people close to me? Whats the worst that could happen?

And of course, just because of my lifestyle the answer came to me in an episode of Sex and the City. I realized that I wouldn't let people close to me because they would suddenly see my flaws, and I would get hurt.

I said it before, I'm not perfect. And this breakthrough only proves it. However I know so many other girls AND boys go through this. If the person you like get close to you, they suddenly realize all the flaws you have that weren't quite there before.

Suddenly the big things become obvious, like things that happened in your past that you would like to forget. Family issues that you felt you were safe from in this relationship.

Even the small things seem like earthquakes to the stability of the relationships foundation, like how you are terrible at separating your laundry colors, or how you wear a really gross retainer at night.

I'm sorry if I have officially scarred any of you into getting close with someone, but I want to let you know that you will find someone some day who will think that the way you talk with a retainer in is cute, or will hug and support you when those family issues come up, and they won't judge your past because they also have their own. As for the laundry thing, ladies you might have to work on that if you plan on winning "best housewife of the year," but if not I'm sure some guys don't really mind if their whites accidentally turn out pink.

Now diamonds, I always want to be honest with you in thins blog, and that's why I am telling you all of this. If you can't relate to me now, I guarantee you one day you will look back on this and say to yourself  "Damn, that girl really had it all figured out!" but I don't completely. I'm still only a teenager, I guess just realize things really quickly.

Crazy Little Thing

It's sort of funny, isn't it? The idea that there is only ONE person out there in the entire world for us, that some how, beyond all other possibilities in the world we will find this one person. Whether it be we meet them online, in high school, or accidentally get pregnant with their child at a random hook up coming home from the bar? Hey, it could happen!

My point is, when you put the idea in you mind that love is the end-all be-all thing about life, it's hard to get that out.

I look at the statics, "there's a 60% divorce rate in America", "men will always cheat", "no one actually ends up happy in the end".

At one point I feel like I am literally going to yell out "STOP! IN THE NAME OF LOVE JUST STOP!" And shouldn't we all?

As a teenage girl who is probably over-exposed to romance movies and TV shows, I'd like to believe that true love exists. I like to think that there is one man out there for me who will treat me with respect, love me, want my children, and will enter the world of monogamous relationships with me.

Now I will admit that my view on love changes every five minutes. However the statement above holds true. I will also admit this, I know those expectations are some-what high. But if I don't respect myself enough to aim for a person who will treat me right for the rest of my life, then who will?

That also ties into something else I have learned about love, before you can ever love another person, you have to love yourself, I know I have probably said this a million times, but it's true.

Love is complicated, there is no such thing as a perfect cookie-cutter relationship. For examples my mom and dad were friends before they started going out they dated for two years, even thought they both knew they were eventually going to be married by the second dated. My aunt knew she would marry my uncle the second she saw him, before she even said hello. Sally and Mark had been friends since forever, and it took them up until last spring to get married.

So sometimes love comes to you, and sometimes it doesn't come as soon as you would think. My great-aunt use to work for Vogue. I'm not quite sure what she did in the magazine, however I know she loved working there, her job and lifestyle was so demanding and up-beat that she didn't have time for a relationship. She didn't have a boyfriend until just recently when she retired in North Carolina.

So to wrap-up this love fest, I just want to point out to my diamonds that they don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend in their lives to be happy, and long as you are accompanied by a bunch of other diamonds, you are going to be just fine. In my attempt to quote Carrie Bradshaw "I figured out that once you already have three soul mates figured out, it's really easy to spot those really great guys."

Don't Compare.

I know I mentioned before that there are girls out there who try so hard to seem flawless, but they end up looking bad. Well I failed to mention that there are those girls, who do have it all. And they don't even realize they do, and they make us feel terrible about ourselves.

For example, when Carrie Bradshaw found out that her ex-love, Big, was recently married she acted like she didn't care but when she read the article she cried, and simply said "It's because she's a fashion writer, she's Chanel, she's Vera Wang. And I'm the sex column they run next to ads for implants."

Now I didn't get that quote totally right, but the point is that Carrie feels bad about herself because she compared herself to this woman. I also feel a connection to her because I'm sure as hell not a cheerleader, I'm just a blogger trying to maintain a GPA that will keep me in the National Honor Society.

Now I know that every girl has compared herself to another girl at one point in time. I've compared myself to my friends, relatives, and, of course, those models who seem perfect. However I ask myself all the time why I do that. I don't look just like my friends, that doesn't make me ugly by any standards. And so what? I don't look like a model, most of then are photo shopped and/or go for weeks without eating. I don't want to go through those extremes just to get my face in the Target shopping catalog.

I don't aspire to be a model, an actress, or a famous pop-singer. I aspire to be a news broadcaster, and when I am on CNN reporting about the economy, or the presidential debates, I don't want people to judge the way I look. It's not what I'm there for. I am going to be there so that I can deliver the news to people.

Now, yes I know that being a news broadcaster will put me in the public eye, and I am sure I will receive comments about how I look. However that doesn't and won't matter to me. Honestly it shouldn't matter to anyone what anyone says about them.

Remember that "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

No Regrets.

Today lets talk about living with no regrets.

And by talking I mean I'm going to talk and you're going to read, but when you see me tomorrow you can discuss it with me!

Do you have a bucket list? I know what you're thinking," I am a teenager! Why should I have a bucket list? I'll work on that when I an retired." But what worries me sometimes is, what if I don't live into retirement? There is a chance that you may not even make it to tomorrow. Now I'm sorry if that sounds depressing; I know it is, but seriously why would you ever want to put off the things you want to do most?

Personally, I have made some crazy and unrealistic goals for myself, hears my list so far:

1. Co-Host Anderson Live
2. Meet my favorite musical group/ artist
3. Live in New York City
4. Live in San Francisco
5. Work for CNN
6. Go to my dream college
7. Have a long happy marriage

I have many more but those are just the first seven that came to mind. I know some of them sound normal, and others don't, but that's the whole point! You have to dream big when it comes to things like this! You have to shoot for the stars! Like my friend Maddie she wants to become a Rockette, and I know she can, because she's the kind of girl who will stop at nothing to pursue her dreams.

I would also like to think I am that girl. Some one once told me, "Kid, you have no idea how bright you are, and all the things you could accomplish if you just put yourself out there." I was astounded by his words, because he was completely right. The only things stopping me in this world is myself. He actually was the person who suggested I create a blog, and every time I get one hundred more readers I mentally thank him.

Point is if he could see all that potential in me why didn't I see it in myself? This blog alone has already made me realize that putting myself out in the world will only have positive benefits.

So why don't you right now, create a quick bucket list, even if it's one thing, like "I want to meet my real father."  or something even more simple like "I want to tell my mother everyday how much she means to me."

I want to believe that when I am in heaven, or where ever we go after this life, I can look back on it and say "Yeah, I did a pretty good job..." and walk away from my life with no regrets.

Todays Education

This generation will be the first generation EVER in which more women will be receiving a higher education than men.

As a feminist this makes me happy. However it also brings up the decision that most women will have to face, "Would I be willing to marry or even date a man who has less of an education than me?"

My opinion on that question? It depends, if he dropped out of high school and became a very successful actor/ musician, then yes. If he dropped out of high school so he could work full-time at the Burger King, then no.

Truth about women is we want someone who we can lean on, we want someone who can provide for us. And marrying a man with only a high school diploma, while we have our masters degree in communications, doesn't exactly seem like the kind of relationship I would want to be in, quite frankly. However I have only sort of been one relationship in my entire life, and I have never been "in love" so who am I to say who I would and wouldn't marry.

I'm just saying that women find men with an education very attractive, why do you think all those men on Wall Street get so many wives?

So ladies, I'm not saying you should lower your expectations. I may have given the advice that some of your expectations are a little too high, and some of them are, but this is different. An education is very important especially in this job market. I am also not saying that you should just stop at high school or just two years at a community college, keep going with your education, especially if it's important to you, who is stopping you besides yourself?

I am however trying to tell you to push you guy friends, your brothers, and you boyfriends into receiving a higher education. Scare them into college by telling them that they wont get laid if they drop out of high school, which is partially true.

So even though we dread getting up at 5 am every Monday morning, focusing on our future career is important. Just keep your goal in mind while you are in your most boring class. When ever I wonder why I have to put up with school, I remind myself that in less than a decade I play on living in the city, and having a very successful job as a newscaster, or writer, and I can own as many pairs of shoes as I want with my very generous paycheck. That's how I am able to make it through most of my dull classes.

So, in conclusion, don't lower yourself to a man who isn't worthy of your brains and don't give up on your education! Think of all those poor shoes who won't have a home!

Anti-Bullying Month

I've been wanting to write a post about bullying since the beginning of this month, since it is national anti-bullying month. I had been waiting for the right time to do it, but today seems like the perfect day since I was in fact bullied today.

Lets start today with an interesting statistic, did you know studies show 50% of children don't want to go to school simply because they feel bullied, and unsafe? I personally never understood this study until today.

Now I wont go into detail about the conversation, but I will tell you it, but ended with her laughing at me. Not with me, but AT me. I literally felt like the laughing lasted five minutes. It hurt, because I was talking about something important to me, but she just kept laughing at me. The worst part was up until today I considered her to literally be one of my closest friends, she stuck with me throughout my Sally crisis last year, and I valued her friendship and opinion over a lot of peoples.

I still want to be her friend and I did talk to her about it over text today as to why she laughed at me, I couldn't say it to her face because I would have probably cried, and if there is one thing I never do it's cry in front of people.

The incident happened in the beginning of the day, so for the entire day I was completely zoned-out. I was angry at her for laughing at me, but over-all I was angry at myself. I had a million thoughts run through my head, all of which were completely wrong "Maybe I should just stop being friends with her" "Maybe I should stop valuing peoples friendships so much, they all end anyways" or "I should just go home." When that last thought came to mind I realized that I had been bullied, and I had become a statistic. I wanted to go home, because I had been hurt.

However I knew better than to stop being friends with this girl, sure, our friendship probably won't ever be the same again. I saw a different side of her today that I didn't even knew existed, but I'm not going to drop her cold-turkey.

And I have this blog to thank for that. I think I am beginning to realize that this blog is actually helping me. If it were a year ago I would have ignored my friend for saying things like what she said to me today, but instead i talked to her, and admitting our friendship won't return to what it was is pure honesty. I don't know if I ever want that to happen again to me, so I'll protect myself from not letting it happen.

What I want you to take away from this blog is simply this: Please think about the tings you say, and when you make a mistake do your best to give a sincere apology, not a half-ass one.

Remember that we are all diamonds, but our hearts can be made of glass, and those shatter easily.

Don't Be Perfect: Be A Diamond

I hate to be a "Debby-Downer" but I'm sorry to say, you aren't perfect.

We have created this image in our heads of what perfection truly is, and she is a beautiful girl who excels in everything she does. Honestly, most of us try to be her, we want to get into our perfect college, we want to start all of the trends, and we want to be dating the best boyfriend!

Realistically we can't, and there isn't a single thing wrong with that. Whats wrong is trying to be this perfect girl, and trying so hard to be her that you end up becoming a bitch.

Like a friend of mine, who's name I will not say. She tries so hard to be perfect that when she talks to you it's degrading. Every time I make a joke about something she thinks I'm serious, so she takes me for an idiot. She also believes she is so beyond community college that every time I say "Yeah, I'm considering community college for financial reasons..." she will immediately say, "I'm not working my butt-off in high school so I can go to some community college!"

Gee thanks, have you ever considered how that made me feel after you said that? No. You didn't. You don't know what its like teaching yourself to be financially responsible at the age of eight so that you will be able to afford a college education, or a new guitar for Christmas. So don't go running around thinking you are THAT beyond me. Trying to be perfect will only make you look like a bitch, I know that I throw the word "bitch" around a lot, 99% of the time I am totally joking, but when I call this girl a bitch, I honestly mean it, simply because she puts me down like that.

Don't try to be perfect. I think everyone should try to be like my friend Maria, I like to compared her to a diamond. She's beautiful, and she's strong, like most girls.

We should excel in everything that we can do, like me for instance. I am good at blogging, being an Anderson Cooper fan, and trying to be a good friend. Maybe I'm not the BEST at those three things (but lets be honest I'm amazing at loving Anderson), but I try my best in them and i accept the things I suck at. For example french braiding hair, if I french braid my hair it's because I am going to wear a softball helmet, so it'll look bad anyways.

So I personally want to inspire any girls, and the two boys that I'm pretty sure read this blog..., to aspire to be diamonds. Stay strong and stay beautiful.